It feels we live at a time when everyone is talking and no one is listening.

Do you, like me, struggle with listening well? Whether it is because of laziness, selfishness, busyness, or whatever, so often I just don’t get it right. I want to move past what Paul Tournier called “dialogues of the deaf.”

In our troubled times, it is most important that we learn to listen well because the Bible says:

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

This is Part Three and the last of a series that hopefully will help us gain some skill in Listening Well.

Part 1: The God Who Listens
Part 2: The Importance of Listening to Others
Part 3: Listening that Makes a Difference

Developing listening skills

One of the greatest skills a missional Christ-follower can develop is learning to listen well. Trying to reshape listening skills into a missional rhythm can be difficult, but it is vitally important. 

This is the final post in the series Listening Well, and we have discovered that… 

• God is a God who speaks, but He is also a God who listens.
• We affirm the God-given value of others, and we develop our own heart when we listen.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer challenges us that often, our most important ministry will be to take the time to sit with someone and listen.

Those who cannot listen long and patiently will always be talking past others, and finally no longer will even notice it. Those who think their time is too precious to spend listening will never really have time for God and others, but only for themselves and for their own words and plans.

The impact of missional listening

You are called to pursue the mission of Christ in the world in the places where you live, work, learn, and play. If you look to find people with whom you can link and take the time to listen to them and the Holy Spirit’s promptings, you will discover where the Father is working and find ways to demonstrate and declare God’s love.

Listening well is not about manipulating other people. No one wants to be manipulated. It is not about winning an argument or a debate. When you listen well, you fulfill one of the commandments of Christ, which is to “Love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39). 

Listening contributes to one of the basic of all human needs – the need to be understood. But, how do you listen in a way that meets that need and makes a difference? Listening that impacts the lives of others, your own life, and the mission of Christ occurs on several levels.

Level 1 – Listening TO Someone…

Most of us listen only at this level. Here you are focused on everything that’s going on inside of you, your own inner voice, your thoughts, your judgments, your feelings. You are focusing on what you want to say so you can add your own story or experience to the conversation. You are simply waiting on the other person to pause so you can insert your argument or opinion. You feel that what you have to say is more valuable than what they are saying. 

Being aware of your own feelings, opinions, and needs is not wrong, but if you desire to engage in a conversation that makes a difference, you must move beyond this level of listening.

Level 2 – Listening FOR…

At this level, you are becoming more focused on the other person and genuinely listening to what is being said. Here you are seeking to deepen your understanding of who this person is and what their needs are. It does not mean that you agree with their point of view, but it assures them that they are being heard. 

You are aware of your feelings and beliefs, but you are setting them aside and suppressing your temptation to correct or give advice – or just talk. Listening helps you move past your assumption that you already know what they believe or what they need.

Level 3 – Listening WITH…

Listening “with” moves you to a level of understanding. The person you are listening to is someone made in the image of God. They are a person for whom Christ died. You are now hearing more than the words that are being spoken. You perceive the body language, emotions, or issues that lay behind the words.

Your attentiveness and your own body language show the other person that you desire to know them fully and care for them.

Level 4 – Listening TO the Holy Spirit…

For the missional Christ-follower, there is a level that goes beyond listing to understand. At this level, you listen to God through the voice of the Holy Spirit. This is where you seek the leading of the Lord and gain His perspective. For this to happen you must know your heavenly Father in a deep personal way and know how to listen to His voice.

You will understand what good news is for this person, and you will find practical ways to demonstrate and declare the gospel and make a difference.

This is Philippians 2:3-5 listening…

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus…

The Spiritual Practice of Listening

The only way you will begin to listen with a missional ear is through persistent practice. You have to think, feel, and act against level one, internal listening until the new way becomes your new habit.

Grace and peace on your listening journey.